Accessing Feminine Energy To Turn Your Dating Experience Around


I went to college at one of the top hippie schools in the country. It was the 90’s and most of my female classmates and I were wearing a combination of baggy jeans and flannel shirts, with our hair rarely washed, arm pits sometimes shaven and we barely knew what to do with makeup.

One good friend in particular wore baggy overalls, an earth toned t-shirt, black Doc Martens and a rain coat every single day. She slicked back her straight, brown hair into a hair tie in the same position, no matter what the event or occasion.

If someone would have asked me at the time who of our group was the most feminine, I’d have turned my head back and forth down our row of friends hard-pressed to land on any of us. We didn’t wear pink or lace or bows or even “do” our hair. So while my overall-ed friend didn’t present herself in a culturally classic feminine style, looking back I realize that she actually operated quite easefully in her feminine energy.

One day we were hanging out in the back seat of a 1980 Chevy Celebrity with this friend and two others, listening to her as she poured out her heart about her struggles, with emotions and tears. I remember being partly judgmental for her being so vulnerable and partly impressed that she wasn’t afraid of being too emotional with us, while gladly receiving our help. She was much more in tune with her feelings than I was and didn’t overthink what she had to say. I see now that she was operating in her feminine energy and this made her a magnet to the good man that fell head over heels for her later that year and who has been adoring her for over 20 years since.

Feminine energy (not necessarily the bows or lace femininity we think of) is very attractive to a man who’s primarily masculine at his core. Tony Robbins says, “If you are feminine in your core, then you will find commonality with another feminine energy, but you will find passion with masculine energy.” It’s the polarity that creates passion and sustains a romantic partnership.

If you are struggling to attract the right man for you—whether you find yourself in the friend zone often, or attractions fade quickly or you feel like you can’t hold a man’s attention over time—I want to highlight 5 of these feminine energy qualities that can turn around your dating experience so that the right one will fall hard for you too.

  1. Comfortable in Your Emotions - Sometimes if you’ve shut down your feminine energy for various reasons, you may struggle to identify what your emotions are, let alone feel comfortable to express them. When we are in our feminine energy we are tuned into how we feel and we welcome those feelings within ourselves. Owning and expressing your feelings can cause a man to feel good because he feels safe with you.

  2. Valuing Connection vs. Accomplishment - When you are more motivated to make connections with people - your partner, your kids or clients etc.- you feel a sense of re-charging through connecting with people. You could be going shopping with a friend, but you are valuing the connection more than the task of finding that exact pair of jeans you want. Masculine men value “the break” of experiencing this kind of connecting energy with women while living often in a task driven world.

  3. Enjoying Your Sensuality - Appreciating your sensuality encompasses a much wider spectrum of experiences than our sexuality. While that’s part of it, we can enjoy our sensuality by savoring the texture of our favorite piece of cake, stopping to feel the texture of leaves on a hike or breathing deeply into a cup of tea. While on a date this can be a great way to shift into your feminine energy by enjoying what’s around you through your senses.

  4. Connected to Your Body - Are you in touch with your body? Do you know the kind of sensations that come on when you feel excited or hurt or stressed? Do you listen to the signals that your body is giving you or do you disconnect from your body by living mostly in your head? Men are drawn in by a woman who embodies love for herself—she’s comfortable to move in her own body.

  5. In Tune with Your Intuition - Women often have a strong gift of intuition and we can be more in tune with our intuition by giving it space to speak to us. Whether we like to take a walk outside, disconnect from social media for a time, spend time journaling, take a pause to be silent before making a decision or we simply tune into the response our body is giving us when we meet a new person, then we can honor our intuition, we are in integrity with ourselves and this makes a man feel more drawn into your presence.

If you’re seeking a partnership with a masculine man and you find that you don’t spend much time in these modes of feminine energy, it’s a good place to look to improve your results in dating. We often disconnect from our feminine energy when somewhere in our life we don’t feel safe, seen or understood. When we experience current or past hurts in these areas it can make it hard to really open up and naturally be in our feminine energy.

If this speaks to you and you feel ready to work with someone, I can help you to close the gaps in this area of your life. Reach out here to see if we could be a fit to work together.