Relational Health

Make the Most of Singleness So You'll Have the Best Relationship

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Human beings love to peek through the rails of our neighbor’s fence, assured that their grass is most definitely softer, lusher, greener than ours. As single women it’s easy to gaze longingly at your best friend’s life while she kisses her husband and proceeds to snuggle with her baby.

While we long for a good partnership to be ours, it can be easy to forget to take advantage of the moments we have now. In fact when we live in the certainty that the partnership we want is only just a matter of time, we are more likely to prepare ourselves for the best love possible.

But how can we prepare?

Here are five powerful ways that single women can prepare right now to draw in a great partnership. (and often it draws a man in more quickly!)

  1. Invest in building and deepening your current social network. Do you have friends that you really enjoy, but haven’t seen for a while? Do you have a conflict that you’ve been putting off addressing with someone? Are there invites that you are turning down because you’re just “too tired”? Sometimes we’ve gotten lazy in the amount of effort that we’re investing in our current relationships and as a result we may feel more isolated and out of touch. Often the strength of the relationship we attract in a partner can be similar to the quality of the relationships we have now. So if you’re not happy in your friendships or family/community connections—start making those relationships better now. They will be the people who will support you too as you are dating and prevent you from jumping into a relationship that isn’t good for you or encourage you when there is a good opportunity to continue with a good prospect.

  2. Take advantage of the time you have now (that you’re not spending with a partner) to invest in your personal growth. While relationships can bring up our issues in a way not many other things can, we can do more self-reflective work on ourselves by way of counseling, reading growth oriented books, attending support groups or seeking out coaching. These kinds of outside perspectives can help you gain insight into tendencies or patterns of behavior that could be shifted in order for you to attract and create a good partnership. The less baggage we carry into a partnership, the more energy we’ll have to love and receive love from a good man.

  3. Start dating and see it as a means of gaining experiences. Dating is a great opportunity to gain so much experience in relating to people. Though it may be tempting to want to just jump into a relationship and skip getting to know different people, we can learn so much while navigating our preferences about what we like in a person, knowing what our boundaries are and practicing communicating them, as well as practicing enjoying the moments with a new person without clinging too tightly to a specific outcome. All of those kinds of skills will play out over and over again in a long-term relationship, so why not start practicing now.

  4. Seek out experiences that you couldn’t do as easily if you had a partner/family to be responsible for. Did your friend invite you to go spontaneously to Egypt next week? You’re excited about it, so why not go because you can! Take sky diving classes, learn to dance, pursue that dream of what you feel called to do while you have less strings attached. Doing these kinds of things will make your life richer and you will give off that “Happy” scent that men love. (it really can’t be bought in a bottle=)

  5. Seek out ways that you can serve others that is meaningful to you. As singles, it’s easy to slide into a somewhat self-centered lifestyle. Entering a partnership means not only having the love you want, but also learning to give in ways that serve the other person. So you can start now and build those muscles. What area of the world stirs your heart where you’d like to help make a difference? Who in your circles could use some help this week? What church, club, group, class might benefit from you stepping up to offer your gifts? Stretch yourself and you will see how you’ll gain more than you give.

Putting these five things into practice will prepare you to be the person who creates an amazing partnership. And it will give you more confidence to show up as a sexier you —so go get ready girl!

Love Last on Your List?

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As a single woman your free time can easily get absorbed by the myriad of opportunities and pressures to meet others' expectations in this modern age. Whether your boss is pressuring you to work extra time to get the promotion or the lure to start a side business selling yarn on Pintrest or that favor your family asks you for because you must "have free time". It's easy to get involved in so many good things and feel like you have a full life. Until Valentine's Day inches closer and closer on the calendar and you become painfully aware of the fact that no one who wants to spend it with you.

It dawns on you that finding love has been so far down on your list that it never gets checked off.  

There are more reasons than the ache of loneliness for a day to move love up your list. While we are busy keeping life going and paying our bills, feeding ourselves and getting in enough exercise in order to live a good life, studies show that social relationships are the top predictor of a long life.

Specifically Susan Pinkerton shares in her Ted Talk that your close relationships are the number 2 predictor of how long you will live, 2nd only to general social integration. Exercise, weight, substance use are farther down on the list. If you consider how you are spending your time in the sense that you want live a long, full life--perhaps finding love and developing close relationships should move higher up on your list.

The truth is that we prioritize what we value and often we don't value love because we feel unworthy of it. We can cover over our feeling of unworthiness with excuses of busyness or good sounding reasons why dating doesn't work for us - but the underlying issue is that we haven't spent time focusing on healing the negative feelings we have about ourselves around love.

As a dating and relationship coach, I work with women who are ready to invest time to take a compassionate look at how they may be numbing themselves from their deep desire to be seen, supported and loved by a good partner. 

What if this year you decided to make the top reasons for longevity the same top item on your To-Do list too? Whether that means you decide to give online dating a shot again or stretch yourself to intentionally be around more single men or hire a dating coach to support you for a season to both heal and grow in your ability to welcome love?

Imagine what it would feel like to have a partner by your side who thinks you're amazing while you live supporting each others dreams. And with a loving partner, even your entire To-Do list just might start to feel a little lighter.

 

Ready to move love up on your list? Schedule a 30 min complimentary chat with me here to talk about how I help you move past patterns that keep you stuck and support you in drawing in lasting love faster.